By – Blessing Ijama
Its exactly two years since I last saw him, his letter still lay warmly on my laps. I could be said to be very logical but today irrationality oozed out of me. The letter carried his scent, from every word in the letter I could see him sitting down on his writing desk, scribbling down his longings and passions. Pouring out sweet nothings that kept me warm in those cold lonely nights. I felt each words like the stroke of his hands along my thigh, deep caresses turning my ridged limbs into water. I could quote each words from my memory; “ my nightingale your beauty illuminates my very being, my desire for you erupts each day like the volcano. You are the fire in my loins and my heart doth leap for you when you are by my side.” Each night I repeat these words to myself before I can sleep. Today I remembered the words of my mother; “ some people only cherish love after they must have lost it”. I am one of those people.
I met shola when I was working in the bank in Lagos. That day he made a transaction with the ATM machine and his card got stock. He walked straight to my office and demanded his card be removed immediately I tried to explain to him that these things takes time and some procedures. After much persuasion he stormed out of the bank after dropping his number. I called him the next day to come pick his card. He was so surprised at how calm and composed I was so he apologized for his behavior the other day towards me. One thing led to the other we became friends and then lovers.
We were so into each other, we were like Jack and Rose. Shola preferred showing me love like it was done in the 70s so he would write me letters professing and confessing his love for me, letters laced with perfumes. Sometimes I wonder where he gets his fragrance from because they seemed out of the world. Everyday was a new love story for us so you can imagine how elated I was when he popped the question. I quickly said yes beaming with all joy and already envisaging my happily ever after.
Things quickly turned sour when my parents rejected him because of his tribe. They not only threatened but literally let hell lose when I adamant about following my heart. Eventually I gave in to their pressure and I let Shola go out of my life. That was the most terrible mistake I had in my life. Indeed love died the day we parted, he relocated from Lagos to Abuja while I got married to the man my parents choose for me.
Two years later I am all alone. My so called chosen husband left me 3 months after our wedding. My parent’s died last year, now am left with no one. The last time I heard anything about Shola was that he was now married with two kids, all of them living abroad. I could have been the one but I murdered my own love life my not fighting for it. I gave up on love and the reward is nothing but lonely nights and wet pillowcase.
I wish someone would learn from my mistakes. I am not saying we shouldn’t listen to our parents but not to the detriment of our own happiness especially with regards to choice of life partner. I wish Shola well but what will happen to me, what happens when love dies?