By – Joyce Paulsen
Recently, a friend of mine met someone online and they have been relating pretty good. Yea, there are future prospects/possibilities in their relationship but I want to use her story to point out a few lessons. Not that they have attained but her singular experience got thoughts running through my mind.
Who says online dating is wrong? Well, I used to be of the opinion that only desperados join online dating platforms. I mean, why wouldnt you see anybody in the course of your daily activities to date? Why do you need to go advertise yourself online and possibility get into the hands of some dangerous dude or babe? With the numerous stories on blind dates that ended in the death of one of the parties, cant we learn that its better to trust the person you see than the person you dont see?
Now, these are the questions that flood my heart when I hear online dating. I see it as a demeaning thing for anybody to do. Its more like showcasing yourself on a supermarket shelf to be seen and bought. Mehn, anybody who wants to find me should come look for me and not me posing somewhere and seeking notice.
In as much as some of my arguments might seem justifiable, I have developed a new psyche about online dating.
First, online dating is not demeaning. I say this because I have met wonderful people online that I dont regret. I have advertised my business services online and that was not demeaning but rather attracted the right crowd to me. I have come in contact with too many good things online to tag online dating as demeaning. I have heard testimonies of people who met their spouses online and are now happily married. So online dating isnt a bad idea after all.
Secondly, every day in life, we advertise ourselves. This shows in the amount of time it takes to make a choice of clothes to put on, to dress up and groom ourselves before we step out from our houses because we believe people make their initial judgment about us from our appearance. No one dresses just to feel happy about themselves but to appeal to other people as well. True or false? (You can keep your answer to yourself)
Again, people get into the dangers of online dating because of their wrong motivations and carelessness. Because of their desperation to be involved in a romantic relationship, people step down on their standards and shut down their reasoning minds. Desperation only leads us into an unending cycle of mistakes and hurts.
So to help you take caution as you engage in your online dating, here are a few tips:
- Good self-image: You must develop a good self-image in order to enjoy good relationships. A poor self-image will only produce hurtful relationships and will sap strength off the other party. You will be badly affected by the words of the other party and take little jokes to heart or to be offensive if you have a poor self-image. Building your self-image is solely your responsibility, so take out time to affirm the good qualities you have.
- Be real: A sad truth about this generation is that we spend time trying to maintain our image online and then we are left with little strength to confront reality. You wouldnt imagine the difference between an online DP (Display Picture) and a persons real face. People pose in other peoples offices or inside their cars and post on social media only to get the approval and applauds of people. Dont be fake, be real. Be yourself. Dont get lost in social media masking and lose touch with reality. Just be real! I just cant say that enough.
- Define what you want: If you dont know what you are looking for, anything and anybody will look like it. State your intentions clearly and with that, you will succeed in filtering those who come to you to a great extent.
- Be open to relate: Be open to engage in meaningful conversations with people, whether you are the initiator or the invitee. Dont just sit there and wait for people to come to you, make effort to reach out as well.
- Dont judge hastily: Make no speedy conclusion about anybody. Someone might have tattoos and still be a good guy or lady. Dont be quick to write people off, give them a benefit of doubt by giving them a chance to know them through conversation.
- Be careful about arranging meetings: We have heard too many stories to still be careless about meeting online friends in real time. Please and please, avoid meeting them in secret places like their homes, hotel rooms, etc. Always push to meet in a known open place and if for any reason you are meeting in a restaurant, come ready to pay your bills so that you dont end up washing plateslols. Also, inform someone of your where about before you go and even drop the contact of your supposed date with them should incase the need arises to contact them. Some people who are so security conscious go the point of having secret escorts who watch their backs. Dont be careless my dear, dont be ruled by your emotions. Nice sounding people online are not always nice in real life o. Be warned. I cannot shout!
Like I earlier mentioned, I have seen and heard testimonies of people who developed great relationships through online dating platforms but also know that everyone will not meet their spouses online. So as you go about your daily activities, apply same principles. Dont be online who you are not in person. And please, guard against desperation so that you dont fall prey.
In conclusion, know this: The secret is freedom. Express your personal freedom in relationships and dont lose your unique spark. Thats your attraction force.
Catch ya later!