By – Kayode Ipadeola
So I was summoned to attend a function around Isolo (an outskirt of lagos) on monday in which I had to be at the venue before 8:30am. Which inversely means i’ve got to leave home around 6am. Since its been about eight years that I had last passed through such route. So I decided to try something old and new. I knew boarding the usual lagos mini vehicle (danfo) was so going to be just as it sounds and since I’d never liked anything normal, I decided to take an unusual means, so I boarded a large big bus (molue). If you’re a confirm average Nigerian you’ll understand the term “molue” better. But for the sakes of the ‘ajebutters’ like me- A molue is an awkward and tattered looking large yellow bus naturally meant to convey the average Nigerian human that can almost not afford the standard fee for the normal small good looking bus. Yeah. Good looking compared to the vice versa.
Just as I stepped on into the bus, I immediately regretted my decision. Really, I never knew it was so big and clumsy and ugly and choking and ugly (2wice). I’d hoped for something more spacious just as it’s stature on the outside indicates or at most like our usual BRT bus. But damn no! This was no way close to being a BRT and since I couldn’t alight immediately anymore, because the conductor had already collected the fare before I entered and must have used up the money to balance another passanger so I was stranded. In fact I was finished. I thought the space was the toughest thing that was going to happen until the bus moved then I realized how much mess I would have for the very first time prepared for something abnormal.
I just didn’t read the signs. I should have noticed the surprising looks on the faces of the seaters on the bus. I should have quickly anaylised the age grade. It was later on I realized I was almost the youngest on board. I looked odd. But it seems they were all delighted to see me. I thought it was true love but it wasn’t. I gave them hope. I gave them grins.
I practically won’t stop sweating profusely till my destination, the noise, the triple sized women choking me in between their midst wasn’t helping, not just their extra larged sizes affected me but the fact that they were doing so with one kind of a cheerful smile. I guess they thought I was comfortable. As if that wasn’t enough, just about few minutes than the molue had moved than both of them slept off. In case you still don’t know the destructive effect of their sleeping on me- They practically headbutted me frequently till I caught an headache.
I knew I had to survive and needed to do that in good cheer. So I pretended as if all was well and watched the women toss me right and left until further notice. I guess I was doing fine and adjusting to abnormalities until a fat potted-belly man sneezed out loud, I thought it was a horn anyway, it was abnormal and scary but that wasn’t the problem. He sneezed the second time and it was much more louder than the previous, I couldn’t stop wondering why everyone seemed calm and cool with such noise, it was until later I realized that the sneezes were only a ploy to start an advertisement. It didn’t take much time that he brought out three heafty trees. No. Pardon me, I meant three sticks or what where those.. They were almost the size of his belly. I couldn’t stop wondering why anyone would decide to sell sticks on the bus, although he called it was a jinsheng root. Why would anyone sell roots on bus? Such bus?? The noises were so disturbing, everything seems disordered, I just brought out my beat by Dre headphone and increased its volume to the highest. It seems I had used almost 21 hours on the bus. I finnally heard a call from the conductor and sounded like my stop. You need to see the way I jumped down with all my sweats, it was as if I had just been freed from the prison of ovens. I sighed relieve. Freedom at last. I looked at the bus bottom one last time and smiled regret. I knew it was definitely going to be the last time I would face such abnormality.
I hope you’re not still expecting a lesson here.Or isn’t all I faced lesson enough for everyone?
Anyways, I’ve learnt never to always desire abnormal things because no one knows how abnormal some abnormal might be to your own taste of abnormality. So settle for normal at times, unless you might end up in a molue.
Enjoy the rest of your week and stay away from any form of molue.