By – Andrew Mejire Etoh
Love is a beautiful thing, it could feel like joy and it could feel like pain, it could feel like sunshine, and it could feel like rain; an excuse for dying, and yet a reason to live. Everyone at some point gets to experience the feeling of falling in love, in such a time everything feels right and the world becomes an interesting place, but then sometimes, life happens and two star crossed loves are separated by distance. If you find yourself in such a situation, your brain goes into over drive with questions twirling on your mind. Questions like is he/she worth waiting for? does he of she feel the same way you do? is this going to work out?
Theres this popular belief, long distance relationships never work out. Your family will discourage it, your friends will likely advice you not to take it seriously in case it fails so you dont get heart broken. Dont despair! the truth is, It can work out great and doesnt always fail. Of course is sucks! Its hard coping with Long distance relationships. We can all relate to the slow agonizing feeling that comes with Long distance relationships, but it can also work for the better and become the most amazing experience in an individuals life. The first way to start off is to start seeing long distance relationships as an opportunity. See it as an opportunity to test the strength of your love, believe that through the experience, both of you will build a stronger bond because it takes significantly more effort to maintain than a regular relationship.
Define your relationship and set ground rules – Both of you need to be clear on your long and short term goals for the relationship, you also need to be clear on your expectations during this period. Remember, be honest and open. Set ground rules to safe guard unnecessary problems that would affect the relationship, answer vital questions such as; is it a purely exclusive relationship? Time and modes of communication, so its suitable enough to accommodate each others work or schooling schedule.
Maintain the Same Enthusiasm and Optimism for Each other – if a relationship doesnt grow, then you can be guaranteed its dying so both of you need to find a converging trajectory, a unified goal you are reaching together otherwise you will drift apart.
Communication is Key – she has left the country to study abroad, he just moved to another state to resume a new job, he just left the country in search of better opportunity or greener pastures in another country thousands of miles from you, remember to keep in touch. Personally I recommend if possible, first thing in the morning and last at night. Try to update your partner in your life and its happenings however mundane some of it might be. If theres a time zone constraint try to find the appropriate moment that would fit into both of you schedule.
Avoid Excessive Communication communication can be important but too much communication can become suffocating, exhausting and very harmful. Avoid it.
Be Slow to Judge fellas, theres always the tendency to go nuts when loved ones are separated by distance, so you quickly make assumptions of judgement that are exaggerated or false. An example of when this can manifest is when a partner doesnt pick a call, in some cases when one partner is insecure he/she gets insanely jealous, irrational or possessive. He or she begins to perceive every friend, co worker, course mate, neighbour or a casual social outing as a threat to the relationship. Coincidentally the part of the brain thats responsible for emotions such as love is right next to the part thats responsible for processing logical reasoning. I think in some individuals love, causes that part to malfunction.
Guess what? Intimacy is a biological and emotional need – So spice up your life with romance. Share romantic, flirtatious texts, chat messages, pictures or videos. Intimacy is a glue that keeps parties from drifting apart. However, be cautious and conscious of safe and smart sex decisions if you both resolve to indulge.
Avoid Dangerous Situations – these are red flags that could hurt the relationship. Sometimes long distance relationships could get complicated and open you up to loneliness. Its definitely not a time to get involved with tricky situations, such as the case of the ex or wild parties. Generally, avoid things that could hurt your relationship.