By – Lois Peters
I had my first and worst experiences of this last year. I gossiped about a friend. Yeah right, I’m not perfect but I know better now.
The worst of it was not just that I talked about a close buddy to another person but that i spoke about him to someone who finds it difficult and almost impossible to keep her mouth shut. So I started the long travel of gossip. You might not understand how I felt but to realize that everything blew out and it was traced to me, that was the worst ever. I had to stare my friend in the eye speechless.
With all sincerity, it started out as a burden I had about him I needed him to correct. But for some reasons, I couldn’t open up to my friend. I didn’t even know why. Rather I found solace in discussing these things with some other person.
It caused a serious strain in our relationship. I’m usually the one who gets hurt by people but this time around, I was the culprit. So I really did not know how to respond or react. All I felt was pain and anguish.
Gossiping is like cancer in the bone of any relationship. It destroys it like nothing. Speaking disparaging words about people ain’t no way to prove a point. It doesn’t even make you feel any better. You end up destroying the previous image and blocking opportunities for them.
People gossip for many reasons. Ranging from a low self-esteem, to feel superior, out of boredom, out of envy, to seek attention, to feel part of a group, out of anger to pacify a series of retribution. All of these are tied to a sense of self-worth.
In trying to avoid further gossips from that person I told you had a flippant tongue, here’s what I did which i think can help you.
- I confronted all she said about other people. I didn’t satiate her feelings by looking interested. Rather i ask her, how did you know? How are you sure of this? What if the person you heard it from is wrong? With that, she either grows weary of coming to you with gossips or persists to prove her point. And if the latter is the case try the next.
- I would ask her; “you seem to be really interested in people, i just want to know, why do you spend so much time talking about people?
- I ask her to tell me a secret about herself that nobody knows. She can’t of course.
- I would often fight too busy whilst she spoke. And before you know it, she stops talking.
The truth is, it takes a less busy person to talk about others. Busy people who are taking over the world, have no time talking about people. So which category are you?
Get busy with purpose and destiny, and you’d never find yourself talking about others!