By – Jamylah Yusuf
Yes!, you read right. How do you manage that rage, that boiling rage, the one that threatens to spill out you heart into numerous pieces. The one that leaves you wanting to crush everything in sight or just scream out till you can barely hear your own voice. No, i am not talking about shutting out that feeling or acting like the feeling of anger doesn’t exist or saying you do not feel angry ever. I am talking about putting it in check. Ensuring that it doesn’t harm you or the people around you. Ensuring that you do not do things you will regret after the haze of anger is cleared. Speaking the truth is, telling you that it is not easy to manage anger i am not even going to lie, Few people can do this. I haven’t gotten there yet but i hope to. It needs time as well as discipline.
I would share with you a few tips i have learnt overtime on anger management that may or may not work for you. I say may not, because it is really a different stroke for different flocks.
Rule 1. You will never regret your silence when angry. You may regret most of the things you say in the outburst of anger and it may be too late to take back the words or rectify the effect those words caused.
Rule 2 . Avoid confrontations as much as you can especially if you are thin skinned. Run away from unnecessary arguments, they don’t do you any good. They leave you drained, frustrated and angry. The art of walking away from things that would upset you is a valuable art for anyone who has mastered it.
Rule 3. Dont! I repeat, Dont entertain the question ‘who are you? ‘ in your head talk more of voicing it out during a confrontation. (Rule 2 says avoid them as much as you can). That singular question ‘who are you?’ has cost some people their lives. It is a common question asked in confrontations involving nigerians and this question usually stems from pride. You are arguing with someone and the next thing you say is ‘who are you?’ Or ‘who do you think you are?’. It is a way of belittling the person and that person, if of the same thought process as you, would try to prove who he is to you and it usually never ends well. Replace that question with ‘who am i’. Ask yourself who am i, that someone can’t upset me? Who am i that someone can’t disrespect me? Who am i that someone can’t speak rudely to me? Especially when you are aware that you do the same thing that upsets you to other people. Let this humble you. Let it teach you that not every situation warrants your reaction. Some just needs you to talk a walk far from the situation.
Rule 4. I learnt this at a wedding reception. The man was advising the couples on how to deal with issues when they are angry. He told the wife, when you’re really angry, keep a bottle of water close by . Take a gulp before speaking. I was wondering how realistic this advice was and he explained himself. He said, there is only so much one can utter with a mouth full of water and even when she swallows the water before speaking, she isn’t filled with so much rage as she was before she drank the water. Now this may not seem realistic, but like I said earlier, anger management requires discipline. You must make conscious efforts.
Rule 5. Seek help. Yes, seek help if you have great difficulties keeping yourself in check when angry. It could be that you have anger related health issues. Visit a psychiatrist. It doesn’t mean you have gone nuts or anything. It just means you have a health issue like any other health issue, and you are seeking help to get cured.